Does anyone else experience the phenomenon of becoming so engrossed in something that you forget that no one else knows any of the details? You have been living, breathing, eating sleeping the date/time/schedule that it blows your mind when someone asks "Oh, when is that again?"
Deployment becomes much like that for me. Weeks before Mike leaves I begin to consider all the holidays that will pass while he is gone and what I might do for them. Have a party? Drive to my parents? Sit at home alone with a pint of ice cream? I mark on my calendar month one, two, three. I know exactly when "half way" is and I move it back a week so I don't start getting excited too soon.
Right now I am in month two. The worst month. Its past the time of the initial sadness, but not nearly close enough to half way to start being happy. I get busy. My calendar gets full. I try to forget. Then they ask, "Isn't it about time for Mike to be getting back?" "When is Mike getting back?" NO! I want to yell. Don't you know its only been 9 weeks? Don't you know I'm trying to forget? Don't you know its so excruciatingly far from even half way?
They don't. They don't know. To them it seems like its been awhile, so they ask.
Its hard to feel that they care about you when you feel the hot sting of tears begin to form behind your eyes. I smile, "Fall," I say. They wince.
I try to forget, but at any given time I can give you the whole run-down. He left on a Sunday, its been two months and one week, half way is somewhere around early July and he should be back at the very end of September.
They don't know. But I remember that the question is the caring, so maybe I really don't want them to stop asking...
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