Crazy O'clock

Sometimes the crazy comes out all at once.
I consider myself a fairly normal, well-educated, and self-aware person. Occasionally I doubt myself, or feel self conscious, but, who doesn't now and then? When Miss Cindy Lee who has perfect hair on a 100% humidity day walks by I wonder if I'm using the right conditioner. Or, when Mrs. Candy Cane, holding what looks to be a 5 minute old baby complains that she ONLY fits into her size 4 jeans, I question my choice to down a 1/2 cup of leftover frosting last night. I could go on; those are the obvious outward things. Other dilemmas are more internal.
Sometimes I feel out of the loop with a friend and begin to wonder if we are as close as I thought we were. That leads me to scrutinize my other friendships... Do I call her enough? Do I ask her to do things too often? Am I boring? Too self-centered? Talk too much? Not enough? I MUST need to improve myself! Should I buy a book? Take a class? Go to therapy? Make a schedule? Make a list? *Insert pounding heart and fast-paced breathing.
Before you know it, I'm in full-blown crazy mode! Irrational thoughts flying around like pudding at a food fight. What started as a little innocent feeling or emotion or concern is now a living breathing crazy monster making me question everything I am!
Usually this phenomenon happens when I am vulnerable to begin with... lonely nights, after stressful situations, or when I'm overwhelmed with life in general. This is "Crazy O'clock."
If I ever hope to change, it is important to begin to notice patterns. When my hubs is around and I ask a Crazy O'clock question he is usually able to quickly diffuse the situation with an, "I love you, but you're crazy!" The blunt honesty usually knocks me back to sanity and I'm reset for awhile. However, since my husband is currently deployed, and with all this late night alone time I've been spending with my thoughts it is hard not to hop on the crazy train then ride it until I'm a crying mess. I've begun to notice my triggers and make plans to avoid them or work with them to prevent hitting Crazy O'clock.
Since crazy not a real time on a real clock I don't have to go there. Following the same old pattern and getting stuck is not inevitable.
The NIV version of Romans 12:2 says "... be transformed by the renewing of your mind..." I also like the NLT "...let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think." Crazy thinking is NOT the way God wants me to think. With his help I can make a permanent change, and even if I fail a few times, he'll never give up on me. I'm a work in progress and I have a life coach who promises that he will "...be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you." Deut. 31:8