I have to
admit that sometimes reading the Bible is a lot like looking at my face in the
mirror. And probably not in the way you are thinking. It is familiar. I look at
my face and most of the time see nothing new. I see my dark and slightly
graying roots growing in at my hairline as usual. I see my same green eyes and
the dark circles under my eyes – thanks genes! I see my same lips and same
teeth and I can glance at my face in the mirror literally a hundred times a day
and be nearly un-phased by the experience.
This is how
reading the Bible feels at times! I read passages that seem so familiar I
barely notice that I have read at all. It has been an especially disturbing
revelation as I have decided this year to utilize the One Year Bible that has been
sitting on my shelf. I read one or two days reading each night (because
sometimes I skip a day and need to catch up!) and am surprised at how casually
I breeze through the reading.
Shouldn't I
be taking this seriously? Am I doing this wrong? Do I need to set the mood? Is
just reading the Bible getting it into my brain? Are the words supernaturally
getting somewhere deep into my spirit unconscious? Am I freaking out?!?
The routine
it has become is especially disturbing to me when I experience real moments of
“getting it;” which is exactly what happened last night. I was reading the
parable about the master who forgave a huge debt and the servant who threw his
fellow servant into jail for a small debt. (Matthew 18:21-35) Now, I have heard
several Sunday morning messages about the meaning and application of this
passage, but as soon as I read the section I knew what it meant for me in that
moment.
I've never
been a person who had “enemies” and unless I'm completely delusional, more or
less get along with most people. However, there is one person in my past that I
feel hurt me badly. I hung on to the relationship thinking something would come
of it, but it only ended in me being heart broken and feeling mistreated. When
I talked to this person after I could stand it no longer, instead of getting
the apology I thought I deserved, they did not take responsibility and did not
feel they needed to apologize. I was MAD. I was sad. I was frustrated. I would
visibly boil over in anger at the bare mention of this person's name. It is
been years since that relationship ended, and the fire of my anger has died
down, but the feelings of being terribly wronged still linger.
After
reading the passage, I felt exactly like the servant, having been forgiven of
such a huge debt (all my sins!) and yet, still (in my heart) demanding the
payment of an apology from my fellow servant. I imagined myself wagging my
forgiven finger in their face, saying, “You give me that apology now, or else!”
Not a pretty picture to see in the mirror this time. I immediately prayed,
telling God that I still feel like I deserve that apology, but I don't want to
be the wicked servant who can't forgive. I asked for help forgiving and asked
that I myself would be forgiven.
If reading
the Bible was like that experience every time I read it, I might get a little
emotionally exhausted. I keep up the routine in expectation of the “getting it”
moment knowing that I don't just read to get a life altering "come to
Jesus" moment every time. Just like I don't keep believing in God just for
getting things from him or having emotional highs all the time. I do believe
looking at the familiar over and over does have a benefit. If I know my usual
face I can see if something unusual develops, like a new freckle or suspicious
spot. The more I allow myself to experience the familiar words of the Bible the
more likely I will be able to use the words and apply them when I need to. It
is good to know we can trust the words of Hebrews 4:12, "For the Word of
God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword,
cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our
innermost thoughts and desires." (NLT)
